are you in?

[iron_and_silver]

"call ya in 5?" -me
"make it 1." -brian

of course, i made it almost 6:-)

Moment he said hello, i knew everything was fine.
I am such an idiot.

"ive missed ya like mad ya know." -me
"well thats not good. everything has been crazy. been trying to find a damn job, school, (sigh)"
- brian

Gut talking: you fucking idiot. you know this is true. you knew it all along. you just got paranoid. c'mon. he isnt james. you know this. granted, boy fucked with your head badly but that was 3 years ago dear. get with it. brian has been nothing but good from day one to you. he loves you. you love him. you know this after 10months. there is no end in sight. girl, its damn well fine to be happy and secure in a relationship.

We had about an hour conversation.

He told me about this chick thats like borderline stalking him. bitch keeps asking all his friends about him. he chatted with her briefly cuz she worked at a hotdog stand across the arcade he used to work at. I told him i'd beat her ass if she kept messing with him. lol. he found it so funny. he would mention her just to push my buttons. lol. god..hes such a self proclaimed ass..i love it! haha. i would do the same thing to him if the roles were reversed lol

We caught up on each other. i told him i was on the phone last night.

(sternly)"with who??" -him
"my best friend christina ya dork." haha he got jealous. ass loves me. hehehe

We talked about him sending me my damn package.

"i aint got no money to send it." -him
"well go flirt with the hotdog girl and borrow it from her." -me
"oh i see how it is. u'd rather me do things with her for money than anything else.(laughs so cutely)"
"nooooooo. u can just wink or some shit babe."-me
"are u crazy? im good but for 20bucks i'll have to put some work into it." -him
"then forget it. besides i was plaaaying ya dork."-me
"im not a dork:-(. im an ass. get it right."-him
"ooh ok. i forgot lol. god i missed ya. god you're so mad sexy darling."-me

man i missed him. then my damn mother kept coming in and screaming at me to get off the phone and clean house.

"we better go..your mom sounds mad.."-him
"pfft. dont worry about it."-me
"but shes screaming..i dont wanna get u in trouble"-him
"pfft. i know how to handle it."

for 5 more minutes he worries. then..

some other delightful conversation that isnt any of LJ's business:-) haha.

then we both have to depart.

"i love ya darling."-me
"i love ya too."-him
"kiss the phone."-me
"no..you do it first."-him
"finne. (i kiss the phone)."
"(kisses the phone)there."-him
"haha..to cute. love ya darling. laters."-me
"love ya too. byes."

(i sigh and stare at the ceiling suddenly feeling like a finished jigszaw puzzle)

I am happy.

then later i went to the yearly oldies festival.

The lineup:

6:30-7:30pm Crawfish (awful band who simply plays well known oldies)
7:40-8:30pm BJ Thomas (best known for his song, "raindrops keep falling on my head. really awful)
9:00-10:00pm Mary Wilson of the Supremes. She was actually pretty showy and good. a highlight in a looooooong night.
10:30-11:30pm Monkees. they were pretty cool. they actually were without Peter Tork. he was fired. go to their official site to read more. click on latest concert news.

Pretty awful night, except for the monkees. they had to end it 30min early because of the weather. like true showmen, they kept playing as long as possible but it was soooooo windy and lighting, and thundering. I got to see the monkees play my all time fav song by them..stepping stone. woo.

i crashed as soon as i came home.

Had to be up by 10am to get ready for work.

Why do guys check me out when I feel like shit, look like shit, and feel so very unattractive?

I was chatting with a coworker in the fitting room and this guy was standing there. and the entire time he was just staring at me. at first i thought he was just off in another land. but everytime i looked at him, he was giving me those eyes..like you're undressing them mentally. freaked me out lol. i ended the conversation rather quickly. he was just odd.

here's a poem i wrote tonight:

You've got the cold wind in you

You've got the cold wind in you;
slower more hidden movements
with heavy warm words
and hair that falls around your shoulders
like a lazy auburn leaf to the ground.
And just the other day,
when you mentioned your match
i could have sworn that i saw your eyes glow like a fire
in a large fireplace
in the dawning of christmas.
You've got the cold wind in you.
9-9-01


Major dilema:

On thursday my short story prof. announced open positions for the staff of the UNT lit mag. then..he said they will be soon accepting submissions. oh my god people..

What the hell do i submit??

Suddenly..all my work seems like shit.

this is the time. the time to make my mark. but wot do i submit?? Jimmy bean..help me out man. i trust your opinion!!

Argh. decisions.

Oh i also have a cold! first one in like 2 years.

Well I must sleep.