I owe my love of dylan to a boy names jason mahoney

i liked bob dylan but thats about it.

Then i met and cared deeply (i thought it was love. but now i realize it wasnt. just a nice caring) for a boy named jason mahoney. He really pushed me into him but im glad for it. i appreciate dylan so much because of him.

it ain't me babe by dylan is my love life theme song (and fav dylan song!) and eventually the theme song for that summer fling.

Here is a poem i wrote a couple of days after he dumped me:

Bob Dylan Will never be the same


You always wear socks.
(favorite, always mentioned)
You have cats follow you
as if you're god.
You laugh in such a way
that makes my heart
a constant flame.
You left with your guitar,
poetry, and everything else
into the distance.
Bob Dylan will never be the same.
9-14-00

But it would have never worked. He's a "hippe" in music only. he dosent really belive in freedom. Hes as conservative as a nun, as prudish as a victorian and as uneventful as a nap.

he wanted me to agree with him always, never really express my opinion and never really dig any music except the kind we both agree on. He wasn't playful or fun, impulsive or barefoot.

When you think about the one you love, it isnt supposed to give you a headache or feel unatural and over used. Thats wot would happen when i would even slightly think of him throughout the day.

I can admit it now. I can admit that i wanted to be with him to not deal with the longing and hurt that i had for my ex (the freak guy i talked about in an earlier entry). I had feelings for that ex for 2 out of the 3 months me and jason were together. Wrong I know, but my first love was madly in love with the girl that stole him from me, and being alone hurt way more than trying to care for someone else.

I can admit to almost breaking up with him more times than i can count and the fact that i didn't have the guts to hurt him because he was so sweet and the attention was so soul healing and that kept me with him and kept me walking in a shoe that pinched my toes and suffocated my feet.

I actually cried 2 days after he dumped me as i listened to a song i dont remember as i stared at a picture of him.

4 days later i found brian again:-)

I'm still with him..speaking of..

I talked to him today. hehe.
He was more like himself, despite the 4 hits of acid he took 20 minutes before talking to me.

So a bit of his asshole - ness came out and my sensitivty due to pms rose up.

"i miss you telling me that you love me.."

"i don't feel up to it..the keys keep jumping up and running away.."

i laughed.

I mentioned i was going to see ringo starr before the lines mentioned above. i said i might die afterwards and i asked him if he would miss me.

"maybe."

"maybe? you make me sad"

"possibly?"

"uh..how about of course i would baby!"

"yes?"

"hmm"

"babe, I'M TRIPPIN!!!!!!!"

"oh yeah. lol um n/m"

then i proceeded to describe gruesome crime scenes stuff (he said he was surfing the net. i asked him of wot particular and he linked me to the page he was looking at, a real crime mystery)

"stop! don't talk like that to a person who is trippin."

i teased him some more and then we both had to leave.

"i have a radio in my fingernail bye!!"

my boyfriend is such a weird freak.

my god i really do love him. lol


Requirements that a guy must have in order for me to be attracted to him:

Humor: quirky, twisted, sarcastic, silly, tease
Good taste.
Must have an artistic side: Poet, Musician, Painter
Have done/currently do light drugs or alcohol (if have enough of mentioned qualities, will over look lack of this one)
Must have a good taste in music
Must be willing to surprise me
Must be playful, sensual, flirty, able to tease me well and able to take being teased as i am such a huge tease myself
Must not be against being barefoot
Must be able to carry a conversation
Must have a brain. Nothing more of a turn off than a dumb guy.
Must have hair that i can play with, messy dirty and uncombed or
a really pretty bald head.
a little possessivness is sexy in a guy.
must be faithful
Must be Trustworthy
Must be flexible and willing to change every once in a while.
Must not be afraid to try new things

Hmm..thats really all i can think of for now. maybe i'll add more later.

Less than 24 hours to Ringo Starr..

Sleep Beckons.

Bullet with butterfly wings

the first "alternative" rock song that peeked my interest was smashing pumpkins "bullet with butterfly wings"

I heard it in the truck of a guy named brandon bepko as we were heading to some youth thing for my church. we all piled into a couple of cars or trucks and me and my bro landed in his. I hated the youth group for my church for the sole fact that my father forced me to be in it. If it wasnt for that, i think i really could have been friends with them, now that i look back.

But you to have to remember wot i was listening to at that time..

I was madly in love with Micheal Jackson, wanted to marry him and bear his children LOL. yes, i've always been this weird.

I was in the midst of my own musical revolution.

And before micheal, my only loves were prince and wotever pop i heard at that time.

Yeah, i actually had no taste for most of my childhood lol but i didnt care..i liked it.

So when i heard "the world is a vampire"

it was the most unusual thing i had ever heard in my entire life. It was at this moment, that the seed of love for "the different, weird" was planted and start to take root. (It wouldnt fully bloom til about 4 or 5 years later.)

Then when i was in lunch my freshman year, a friend of a friend was at the table, Vicki Avery, started talking about a small unknown college band and she had a tape of them that her friend had lent her. I sat there quiet eating my lunch (i only bought my lunch less than 50 times my entire school life) until she said the name of the band. The Smashing Pumpkins. She passed the tape (ha! cd's werent extremely popular yet..) around and when it came to me i pawed it and looked at it. I passed it to the next person still rather curious. If i held it any longer they all would have thought i was weird or something, or so i thought. I cared to much about wot people thought back then.

The song that pushed me over to a rock person was

Machinehead by Bush

then the moment i knew i would love rock music forever

When i saw Gavin Rossdale in the video for Swallowed.

That was the moment i was converted.

*a small note. Sept. 8th is the date the incubus tickets were postponed to. darnit!

6 hours til Ringo Starr..

Nervous Energy Beckons.